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I realized, belatedly, obviously, that to Brian, I did look amazing in that dress. At some point that night, I remember lying next to him, still feeling unbelievably cocky from my victory, when Brian mentioned that I wasn't normally his type. And though Brian is and has always been open and confident with his preferences, they started to embarrass me. But more importantly, I will work to earn love from me, who is the person who will always play the hardest to get. I still do the thing where, when people compliment pictures of myself that I hate, I will wonder just how bad I look in all the other photos they aren't complimenting.

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Sophia. Age: 32.
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Brian, however, loved the dress.

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Adrianna. Age: 28.
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When I described him to people, I would tend to use celebrities who I was currently in love with as a frame of reference:. Was I doomed to either be conventionally attractive or someone's fetish object? It got to the point where compliments from Brian were actually painful to hear — every time he said "You look beautiful," all I could hear was "You look fat.

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